| OMG!
There is no way to write all this down... let me just get to the point! My husband left when i was coming home for vacation. NO there was not another women invovled but damn...I REALLY FUCKED UP!
He just got tried of it... I dont blame him. I am tried of it myself...
| comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment   |
| People time and time again tell me! That if I got myself on a better sleeping pattern. I probably would go to bed every night at the same time. Well, I try and try again! This shit never fails!!! AM I not fucking human or something? I do not understand why I can sleep over 16 hours and not sleep for about 45 hours. Does this shit make sense to you?
Well, FOLKS! Here the fuck I am again! I am sitting here up, WIDE AWAKE! updating my livejournal because I possiably have nothing else in this world to do.I got to go to work at 5 instead of 6. I think my manger is trying to play a sick fucking joke. Is she fucking crazy!? Does she not know that I have shit to do... like fucking sleep for 16 hours aday!? lol I am probably going to go to bed after I write this journal and set my clock to get up in 6 hours. Just because I perfer to walk up half awake and fucking missable, but go to work late. Then on the other hand, I probably ingore the alarm and roll over and walk up right before 3:30pm. I seriously, wont wake up! UNLESS I have something important to do... such as work! I always wake up a hour early! lol FUCKING EH!
Anyways, I did a lot of pointless shit today, and I wont go on about it because this is basically pointless and all you fuckers reading this need to get a fucking life... omg look at me go! I am such a fucking idoit! lol
GOOD NIGHT FUCKERS!
| | comments: Leave a comment |
| I use to lay awake at night crying about all the children that didn't have a safe place to stay. I use to cry about all the animals in Africa being killed for simple things but ivory! I hate humans!!! I use to have all these news paper clippings of children that were hungry and everything else. I would pray for them. I use to beg God to take my life and save another. I use to be so aware of what the world was going through. I made a promise to myself, if i ever ever... get money I will find a way to do something about it. I still donate to WWE and several other places.
I still sometimes cry for these lost children and the love that was taken from them. I cry for the small animals being killed because humans are just too curl. I cry for all the dogs being abused, and cats being lefted outside with out food or water. No where to call home!
These are the things I really care about... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Micheal Jackson - Earth Song | | Subject: | More of a effor.... | | Time: | 05:59 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/roshi/palefaces/cheerful.gif) cheerful |
|
| lately, I have had to make more of a effor to update my journal? I have a lot to talk about, but I guess the lazyness of me being able to sit in front of a cam and talk about it instead. I had a friend's daughter spend the night last night. The 8 year old stays up as late as I do. She is very independ and can basically handle her self. Which doesn't bother me at all. She is good about taking orders, usually the only orders I throw at her is, that I need the computer, or we have to walk the dogs... ect. I enjoy her company actually. She is a very smart and talent little girl. VERYY smart.... She was brought up by a single parent. She is the producted of good parenting! lol Even if there is such a thing. lol
I have several journal entries I wanna do and probably will by the time I am done with this. I also wanna do some youtube videos. I will probably post them here.
Talk to you guys soon. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Im losing it!!!!!!
I am seriously losing it!
I am dead tired... I feel as if I am going to pass out. I am unable to keep the heaviness off my eyes. Though, once I lay down stairs, I feel as I just woke up. When is this sleeping stuff going to come to a end? I am trying so hard to get on a timing for bed. It is the most healthiest way to live. Plus, I am tried of depending on only the 24 hour open places. Its like I am a vampire, and I can't be outside unles it is dark.
Do I belong on the otherside of the world? Or would I rather be up during the night too? I am so tried and I just wanna lay down, I love sleeping and I seem to get too much of it. I really hate this!!!!!
FUCKING EH!!! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Man, I went to bed around 3 AM. I couldn't lay down and keep my eyes close because I felt things dart across the room. Don't ask me why? I just had this sensation as if something or things were in my room. Well, I kept telling myself that the dark is playing tricks with my eyes, because when I open them. I would see something move very quick. I usually, can't go to bed around 3 am even if I am dead tired. I usually have to go 3 hours early, or a hour later. Because anywhere between 3AM-3:45AM. I get this werid feeling down stairs. Maybe, it is just me thinking to much... but sometimes I am completely fine others... CRAZY SENSATIONS. ( keep in mind, I live in apartment)
Then on top of that, right when I started to fall asleep. These fucking dogs from the apartment behind me, which I guess the bathroom is right directly agaist my stair way, and bedroom. Start barking, I dont know if they are just frustrated because they aren't being walked more then they should, or they are just two annoying fucking dogs. I rarely see them walk the dogs. I see him walk the dog rigjt in front of his house and then right back in. I even offered to walk the dogs for him. Well, now I am sitting here annoyed, because the barking was loud enough to get on my nervous, but quit enough to make it feel it was in my head. I hate that!!!
Anyways, I am smoking a cig and drinking a cup of coffee. I hope that the pills will kick in so I can get some sleep before I have to wake up early in the morning. I went to work yesterday, and didnt have enough sleep ecepted for about 3 hours.
wish me luck! make those dogs stop barkinggggggggg
| | comments: Leave a comment |
| Yesterday, I went to the pool and stuff, trying to get sunburned.
I am lazy and went to bed late. I made a most to youtube and stuff so I am happy about that. I am also going to make a post here so you can check out my youtube page. I am currently drinking coffee and have some yogert and a sweet and salty bar.
I got to go to work :( I dont wanna go! :(
bye | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I am doing good.. I am enjoying everything about the diet so far. Yesterday, I went to work and came home and eat. Then I went to the pool and did about 6 laps. Today, I started off with coffee, because I eat at 6 am in the morning. Now I am having a tv dinner from Michelins. they are extremely small portions. Which helps me having something decent to eat while eatting salads.
I am drinking more water and I have had three sodas in the last two days. Very good, concering me!
I am kinda of in a rush. It is 6:50 pm and I wanna go to the library to pick up two books I requested. I hope there still there. Then I wanna return some books, that I been meaning to turn in.
I am going to clean up when I get home because I am just trying to keep the house decent for once. I cant get lazy and avoid it.
Anyways, chat with u guys later bye | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| Man, I woke up around 11pm today, and made me some make shift crackers with penutbutter. I wasn't that hungry so I only eat three of them and drank some coffee with low fat creamer. Then for lunch, I had a salad, and a bottle of water. I am probably going to have a small dinner before I go to work. Thank god, I called work because I didn't know I had to go into day. I probably would have been fired if so. My check is going to look like shit next week. :( 50 dollars or so. I am also trying to get a second job, but actually I am kinda of content with my situation.
I need to run to the library but I am low on gas. Maybe, I can go tomorrow after the apartment people come to fix some stuff.
Danielle
Ps. Hope this diet works. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | New Diet | | Time: | 01:29 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/roshi/palefaces/determined.gif) determined |
|
| Hey guys, Well, I started my new diet today. I basically is salads, vegs, and lots of fruit. I will eat about 5 times a day. In the morning I will either have egg whites, with crackers, and a piece of fruit. Then 3 hours later, I will eat fruit or a yogert. Then again 2 hours later, I will have some crackers with low fat peanut butter, or salad. Then a small dinner, I got tv dinners because they are small portions. I will eat a salad with this, and probably have some fruit 3 hours before bed. I will also work out 3 times aweek. Walking for 5 miles!
I started to day with two blows of salad. I also am cutting down on soda and will drink water. I also changed my monster to the low carb one.
Wish me luck and if u have any other suggestions let me know. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Dog chewing on bones | | Current Location: | Lazyness | | Subject: | Lazy! | | Time: | 05:41 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/roshi/palefaces/lazy.gif) lazy |
|
| It is the 4th of July and I thought, I should be at my mother's house BBQ. Well, Ali decide not to go this year. Don't ask me why, but I wont go unless he is there. I don't want to go to Columbus. Ga and get stuck there by myself.
My friend and I were considering going to the river last night, but I know how I am lately. I go to bed around 8 AM and don't get up until 4 PM. I feel really shitty because I haven't went to the library to pick up the few books I requested. I haven't returned any that I am done with, and I just very lazy.
I haven't cleaned my house since I came back. I think the biggest factor in me not cleaning when I got back from NJ. Is that my husband lefted me some what of a mess. I cleaned up before I went, and I know the dogs messed most of it up. I am again, probably too freaking lazy to do anything about it. It just seems, when ever I clean the house really good. My husband, dogs, cats, and everyone in between. Finds a way to mess it up again. I really wanna move to apartment where the landry is on the frist floor. I mean I live in a two story town house. My masterbed room is downstairs, that inculdes my washer and dryer, and walk in closet. I am so sick of being down there all day. Trying to clean it up. I usually go, " well no one is coming down here. Fuck IT! " Then i just let it pile up! Then It pisses me off to go down stiars. OMG!! (RANTTING)
Sorry! I know It is all my fault. Maybe part of the lazyness is the computer addiction I have. As you can see! lol
| | comments: Leave a comment |
| I have no idea what is going on with me.
I went to bed last night, after playing these games on aol.
I was sorta of angry with my husband because he didn't come home until like 5 am.
I know he was spending time with his friends, but damn why every weekend? I am going to bring it to his attention. I hope he takes me serious. I love him dearly and I think he isn't aware of what he does to me. I am jelouse and I always think he does things behind my back, but i know it is my issues.
I need to trust him more, but I just cant bring myself to. I trust him deep down in side, I know he wouldnt do anything. If he did he would make sure it was the end between us. I know he loves me and I love him too. Why do i still feel these things? I am so doubtful! Maybe I am ready for the unexpected and that is my problem.
Crazy eh!?
| | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| I am not just addicted to Marlboro Lights. I am also addicted to the wonderful internet. There is just so much shit to do on here. I don't know where to start and to end. I remember, when I first was introducted to the internet. The only thing I thought you could do on here was, write in a journal, e-mail, and play spades. Now you can log on to different webpages and play all these waked out games, PM people, and make blogs about everything and anything.
I am currently a AIM fan. I wasn't before, but I just like it a lot more then I do MSN now. I still have a place in my heart for Yahoo though.
I just have so much to keep up with. It is a job in it's self. I have facebook, myspace, orku, g-mail, hotmail, yahoo, Aim, livejournal, stickam, and youtube. Gosh, what was I thinking? I would include my twitter, but I just didn't want to give you noisy folks any ideas.
What is up with twitter anyways? Only posting thoughts? Um, I guess I wont bitch too much, because live journal is basically radom thoughts. I guess twitter is more like a place were all the stalkersget together at.
Twitter Main Question: "what are you doing at this moment?"
My Answer: "masterbating and eatting ice cream, why?" lol
I mean seriously!? I was reading someones twitter ( when I was frist introducted to it ). Someone wrote on there twitter, " Replying to twitter comments, while driving." Ok? Seriously we dont give a fuck! lol
I mean more common sence! Who whould risk their life for twitter anyways?.... ( Will shut up because she has replyed to myspace comments while driving. ) lol
It is like 7 AM in the morning and I haven't went to bed yet. I was considering makng another cup of coffee, but I really wanna get some reading done. I am probbaly going to wake up around 12 PM. I need to run a few places before it gets to late in the afternoon. I m going to go to the library to pick up two books. Return a few, and get back on the internet. Well, That is basically my internet addiction for right now. I hope you guys can enjoy my radom thoughts about absolutly nothing. :)
Have fun!
Night
Danielle | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Yah I am burned  The beach Sene!@ Cape May. NJ Here are two pictures of Cape May, NJ. We went to the beach right before my aunt Rosanne had to take me to the airport.
I was kinda of happy about being able to go to the beach. I love the NJ and I love Cape May more. I wish my husband was there to enjoy it as much as I enjoyed it. I am going to probably go again next summer. I know our trip for Panama city is coming up. I am also excited about that. I am probably going to try to take off a whole week at work. Hopefully, I will get the job at bath and body works. I love that place and I have a lot of their smells too. I am a supper big fan of them. :)
Struggling......
I am trying to quit smoking. My father's secondary case of death was smoking. I know I need to quit and hopefully I will try to. I thought if i put my self to it. I would be able too. My aunt suggested that I do it cold turkey. Well.... that didnt happen. I am still smoking and I am limiting myself how many cigs I can have a day. That is the only thing I am struggling with.
Wish me luck! | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 03:25 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/roshi/palefaces/exhausted.gif) drained |
|
| Ok, I am slap happy tried!
I am pissed and very emotional.
No! I am not PMSing! I am just emotionly drained all around.
I am have this weridness about me. I can't publicly cry, or show a whole lot of emotions. I have a tendency to let them build up until, they just come pooring out when I am not around anyone. My husband thinks I am mad at him and I made sure he understood that it wasn't directed towards him. I also hope he understands that. I love him dearly and feel bad that he thinks I am mad at him.
I would have broken down at my father's mamorial but I didn't want my family to see me that way. I know they probably think I am very numb or cold hearted, but I couldnt deal with it. I can't cry infront of people. I try not too, and if i do I usually try to ingore them being there.
I cried today, I guess it is a good thing. I am very very emotional. I held it in to long and it just needed to get out. I was outside and i was like WTF! why am I crying like this. I miss my father a lot, and it was hard knwoing the last time I saw him, was at my grandmothers! :(
I love him bunches and miss him tons! I know our realtionship wasn't that good, but I know I was hea only daughter. I forgive him foreverything that he has done to me. I just know he is a in a lot better place, then on this earth that created so much suffering for him. Life is hard, and my father couldn't deal with it. I don't blame him for anything! He was more then a daughter can ask for. I am thankful for all the times he spent playing with me on the floor with lagos. I miss the times we played barbies, or sang his favorite songs in the living room after I got home from school. All the times I drove him crazy, but he still found a time to laugh. All the times he protected me from the buggy man. All the times he made me feel safe and happy that his arms were a place I can hide from all the world's problems. My father was a sick man! No one could save him, but himself. I love him no matter what, and even though, i thought I knew him. I come to realize I didn't know him as much as I thought. I just wish I had alittle more time! :( I love you daddy!
RIP PAUL HILDEBRANT!
100's of miles use to seperate us, now he is closer then ever and wont ever leave my side. I couldn't ask for much more.
| | comments: Leave a comment |
| I am currently sitting in my grandmother's kitchen on her laptop. I wanted to get caught up with some things on the internet. I figured since there was internet avaliable here. I am going to go ahead and update my journal and let you guys know what we have been up too.
My flight to Alantic City, NJ was very pleasent. I sat next to a lady that thought I was a pretty funny. We didn't talk the whole time on the plane. She mentioned at take off that she was a sleeper. I was content with that information, because I had plans to be losted in my book anyways.
Well, I got to altantic city with my Aunt Rosanne and Nanny was waiting for me.
We got in the car and headed to taco bell. Nanny has a thing about Taco Salad there. Since there isn't one in Cape May anymore. She has to drive a hour to get to one, Sad isn't it? We are probably going to grab one on the way back too.
Well, After taco bell, I had a Italian Hogie. Which was delious!! Now, I am waiting for my grandmother's famous Meat Balls, which I watched her make yesterday. I explained to her how I always mess up the recipe.
Oh, I forgot to mention, I went over to uncle chris's house and eat hot dogs and hamburgers, BBQ Chicken, and BBQ Pork. It was also delious. I didn't get in the pool because I was actually wasn't feeling so hot. I just started the curse today, and I was crapping and extremely tired.
Well, I am going to go ahead and end this now. I am going to go smoke and think about what else I can do. :)
I potted some mint plants and waterd some plants. I enjoy keeping my Nanny's plants alive :)
I talk to you guys later! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Omg! When I was going back home from the college. My husband called and told me that a great deal was made from the cable company. They are going to give us a bundle deal with the internet for less then 100 dollars.
Now, Understand this! We didn't cut off the internet because it was expensive or anything. It was just causing us problems. I was actually starting to get use to the fact. I have to figure out other things to do. I mean it was helping me deal with things. Even though I was probably the most misable person on the face of the earth.
Anyways, I came to the library because the college closes early. They were closing at 5, and I knew that the library staied open until 9 PM.
I also wanted to check a few other books out. I am really starting to enjoy reading. I really!!!! super dooper love it!!
Actually that is why I was partly going insane... :) I am probably going to just play wow on it and then come to the library or something to post my journal entries. Either that or get a laptop. lol My husband gave his brother in pakistan our last one. Also a ipod lol which my mother bought US. I mean she bought two of the new neno ipods. He ended up sending one to his brother... **Pisses me off** then lied to me about the laptop because he calimed his friend was using it because he couldnt offord one at the moment. Instead he sent it back home to pakistan. Damn men!!!
Oh, A friend from here asked me about the update on my husband and I. Well as you can see. we still have our issues and we probably will always. Our commication is getting better and we are really trying to work on eachother. I am trying to control my angry more. I expressed that we need to talk more. Hahah He also realized that the computer wasn't my problem with sleeping. I still stay up all night. For example, I been up all nigth today. As you can see I am still funtional. I dont know why I am capable of saying up over 38 hours and not wanna pass out or kill someone while Im driving. Beats me! lol
Well, ok! Full Throttles do have a edge to it, but it doesn't mean I still wont be funtional.... ** takes a sip **
LOOK! GUYS! give me a damn idea on books to read! lol
Love yah guys and check out my youtube page. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| |
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
materialrainbow's journal![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/roshi/palefaces/bouncy.gif){kind=small}
bouncy![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/roshi/palefaces/angry.gif){kind=small}
angry![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/roshi/palefaces/sleepy.gif){kind=small}
sleepy![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/roshi/palefaces/annoyed.gif){kind=small}
annoyed![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/roshi/palefaces/rushed.gif){kind=small}
rushed![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/roshi/palefaces/busy.gif){kind=small}
busy![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/roshi/palefaces/sad.gif){kind=small}
jealous![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/roshi/palefaces/good.gif){kind=small}
content
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/roshi/palefaces/okay.gif){kind=small}
blah![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/roshi/palefaces/energetic.gif){kind=small}
energetic